Jess Tubbs wakes at 5am, has the first of her two coffees, glances at the new tattoo on the inside of her forearm and steels herself for another day.
The tattoo reads “tu me manques”, which translated from French is “you are missing from me” and it’s part of her survival mode as she nears a year since the sudden and shock death of her husband, champion harness driver Greg Sugars.
Tubbs’ life was turned upside down on April 26 last year when police arrived at her Myrniong property, near Ballarat, with the news Sugars, just 40, had been found dead in a hotel room near Sydney while preparing to race their horses at Menangle that night.
Sugars was one of Australasia’s best drivers with over 4000 wins, including 70 at Group 1 level, and together with Tubbs had built a hugely successful training operation.
Months of how and why were answered when tests revealed Sugars had Long QT syndrome (LQTS) and died in his sleep because the electrical currents stoped driving his heart. He went to sleep and never woke up.
“It certainly helps to have an answer,” Tubbs said. “It’s a comfort knowing he was asleep when he died and had no idea, but had we known (about LQTS) we could’ve done something about it.
“I’m now working with the Sydney Heart Institute on genetic testing to give Greg’s family some more precise answers, so they know which side of the family needs to get tested and prevent any further tragedies.”
Already, Sugars’ sister, Kylie, has been diagnosed with LQTS as well.
Despite the doubters, Tubbs has continued to successfully run one of Victoria’s top stables and win feature races in Australia and NZ.
“I know how proud Greg would be looking down. He knew how hard I worked and I think we’re all a bit surprised how much I’ve been able to achieve in the past 12 months. It’s really, really hard on your own and I know he’d be devastated he left me in this position,” Tubbs said.
“If I could swap with him, I would in a heartbeat.
“I miss him with the horses, his knowledge and knack with them was unmatched, but it’s going inside at night and there’s nobody there when I miss him most.
“It feels incredibly unfair because we’d sacrificed a huge amount in the time we’d been together. This was our dream and we’d put everything into it. We were finally in a position to start to enjoy life and that was meant to be our plan for the past 12 months.
“It’s a really strange feeling to wake up and the future you’d set yourself up for is gone … I find myself starting again at 38 and it’s lonely. It was a team sport and now it’s not.”
Tubbs, who always took the back seat publicly in their business, has been uncharacteristically open on social media for a reason.
“I want people to know and remember more than just Greg Sugars the driver … his smile, how cheeky he was, the fun loving person he was. He made such an effort to make people feel important and special,” she said.
With 30 horses in work, Tubbs hasn’t had a day off since Sugars’ death.
Her best moment since came when trotting filly Tracy The Jet won a huge race at NZ’s iconic Cup Week in Christchurch last November.
“Greg was so loved in NZ and it was really intimidating going back without him, but being amongst friends and great people and then to get that win was so special. I felt really proud that day. It was a really important day to me,” she said.
The big, raw and untapped pacer Fighter Command is Sugars’ legacy horse in the stable to Tubbs.
“We’ve always had a huge opinion of him and he’s got lovely patient owners who have allowed us to look after it,” she said. “We had a long term plan with him and he’s come back really well, it’s very sad Greg’s not here to share this horse with me.”
Tubbs admits there have been moments where she considered giving the training away, especially the months straight after Sugars’ death.
“Heaps of continuing is in his honour. This was always Greg’s dream and I gave up a corporate career I was happy in to support him,” she said.
“But I love the horses and now they’re my reason for getting up and through the past 12 months.
“I have absolutely no idea where I’ll be in five years. I didn’t see the past 12 months happening, so I’ve just got to roll with the punches and see how long I can maintain it for.
“Professionally and personally, it’s hard to look too far forward, so I’ll give myself the grace of time.”
